Death

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

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source: [7]

Mathematics

Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.

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Reference: [7]

Real life {*_*}

It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life?"

The professor gently smiles at him and says: "Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald's!"

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Source:

[2]

Horseplay {*_*}

A mathematician and a stock broker go to the races to bet on horses. The broker suggests a bet of $10,000. That's too much for the mathematician's taste: First, he wants to understand the rules, have a look at the horses, etc.


"Don't worry", the broker says. "I know an empirical algorithm that allows me to find the number of the winning horse with absolute certainty."


This does not convince the mathematician.


"You are too theoretical!" the broker exclaims and puts his $10,000 on a horse.
The horse comes in first - making the broker even richer than he already is. The mathematician is baffled.


"What is your algorithm?" he wants to know.


"It's rather easy. I have two children, three and five years old. I add up their ages and bet on that number."


"But three plus five is eight - and that horse had number nine!"


"I told you that you're too theoretical! Didn't I just experimentally prove that my calculation is correct?!"


Source:


[2]

Anti-terrorism {*_*}

In a speech to a gathering of mathematics professors from throughout the United States, George W. Bush warned the academics not to misuse their position to force their often extremist political views on young Americans. "It is my understanding", the president said, "that you are frequently teaching algebra classes in which your students learn how to solve equations with the help of radicals. I can't say that I approve of that..."

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Source:

[3]

Gen. Calculus { *_* }

"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

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Reference
[3]

Math inverse { *_* }

Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"

Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"

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Source
[2]

Getting a Tan { *_* }

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

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Reference(s):
[2]

Oh K! { *_* }

Teacher: What is 2k + k?

Student: 3000!



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Reference(s)
[2]

Zero is nothing { *_* }

Family members came down from Fairbanks, Alaska, to visit us in Anchorage just as the thermometer dropped to zero. I was freezing, but not the. “We're used to cold weather,” my brother-in-law said.

“Sure,” I replied. “To you folks, zero is nothing.”


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Source:
[3]